though i say i want to go back to school. its easy to say but hard to do. i also feel very messed up. i know i'm doing something wrong. but i'm still continuing. I know i shouldn't have in the first place. but theres nothing to stop me from doing it. =\ i feeel even more eh...... what can i do ? listen to myself or listen to others ? i tried ignoring the problem. i tried not facing it. but it always come back and haunt me :x

BEST............ FRIEND........... his birthday is coming up. what should i get him? i want to make something he'll remember a lifetime.

I haven't been to xanga for almost 2 years and they sent me emails telling me to come back and saying how xanga changed. wells couple of years ago, xanga was the site everyone goes to; to chat, date, and flirt. like cmon. we're older now. we don't do that. its call meeting the person face to face. but i guess i'll go back to xanga. because it brings back memories. It was so cool when we still young like during freshman year or younger, where we created layout and see which one are better. Definately remembering gossiping about some people in xanga. what can you say, i think i haven't much change. But I would like to talk to the people I use to felt comfortable with, but due to the matter of my immatureness, I broke my contact with some of them. Most people I know from hs are graduating. I guess I do misses them. We were very close back then in freshman year. I precious those times during the train and the times we do stupid things. I guess I'll try to go to college. I just notice a lot of people asks me " are you planning to take ged? are you sure you're going to graduate." those same exact sentence. I know I don't have that much trust in anyone anymore. Because of my past records, but I will try to stop cutting. Cutting been my habit, its like drugs. Its very hard just stop all of a sudden. I don't think I'll take ged because I don't want my whole family to look down on me. I want everyone to be happy and come to my graduation with roses and screaming out my name when i am called. I want to have that feeling.